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thingy = [
["A", "The", "Some"]]

noun = [
["cat", "dog", "cow", "lard", "cake", "cheese", "pr0n", "ch00n", "shizz", "meme", "poof", "house"],
["plant pot", "mollusc", "keyboard", "ninja", "Blender", "bizzel", "shizzle", "smiley", "random", "Grai Skull", "monster", "hacksaw"],
["computer", "pianey", "microphone", "cheesy pea", "GUITAR-CAR", "fiddlestick", "<<David's secret easter-egg noun>>", "Advanced DAL", "formahla", "paedophile"],
["cheesy piss cake", "computer mouse", "emoticon", "nizzle-shizzler"],
["Pachelbel's canon"]]

pronoun = [
["Dave", "James", "Pash", "BILL", "Ton", "B@rt", "Brecht", "p00f", "Joe"],
["Ari", "LS", "Malcolm", "Matu","T-Man", "HD", "Noah", "Jman", "Sacha", "Phoenix", "David", "Doovis", "J-mesh", "Moodle", "Gwaddy", "Jeztac"],
["Johnyman", "Bill 'n' Ben", "Delta Speeds"],
["anonymous", "Super Wu-Man", "Cyborg Dragon", "Team Fortress 2"],
["florianfelix", "HD Render Man"],
["animatinator", "internet post guy Joe", "that weird d00d no-one knows", "Ari the Ferarri"]]

adjective = [
["wet", "hot", "gay", "fat", "shite"],
["slammin'", "funky", "cheesy", "AWESUMMM", "schmexxy", "rockin'", "ninja", "cruddy", "propa'", "blobby", "slimy", "smiley", "random", "ugly", "diverse"],
["excellent", "molluscy"]
]

verb = [
["walked", "hopped", "danced", "pissed", "LOL'd", "laughed", "saved"],
["hated", "wandered", "ranted"],
["pissified", "Super-Soaked"],
["ROFLMAO'd", "terminated"]]

join = [
["a"],
["to the", "at the", "with the"],
["around the", "before the", "towards the"],
["inside of the"],
["with the aid of a"],
["with the power of a", "using the skills of a", "whilst hiding under a", "whilst doing things with a"],
["whilst being possessed by a"]
]

punctuation = [
["!", "!!", "!!!", "!!!!", "!!!!!", ".", "...", "LOL", "!1!1!!!!11!3!", "?", "?!?", "!?!", " :-D", " :-P", " ;-)", " (and that's what she said).", " :-]"]
]

location = [
["home", "dump"],
["Trampland", "Glasgow", "Scotland", "England", "Pisstown", "Pisa", "Knobsville"],
[""]]


import random


def number(maximum):
return random.randint(0, maximum)

def getthingy():
syl = number(len(thingy) - 1) + 1
word = thingy[syl - 1][number(len(thingy[syl-1]) - 1)]
return word

def getnoun():
syl = number(len(noun) - 1) + 1
word = noun[syl - 1][number(len(noun[syl-1]) - 1)]
return word

def getpronoun():
syl = number(len(pronoun) - 1) + 1
word = pronoun[syl - 1][number(len(pronoun[syl-1]) - 1)]
return word

def getadjective():
syl = number(len(adjective) - 1) + 1
word = adjective[syl - 1][number(len(adjective[syl-1]) - 1)]
return word

def getverb():
syl = number(len(verb) - 1) + 1
word = verb[syl - 1][number(len(verb[syl-1]) - 1)]
return word

def getjoin():
syl = number(len(join) - 1) + 1
word = join[syl - 1][number(len(join[syl-1]) - 1)]
return word

def getpunctuation():
syl = number(len(punctuation) - 1) + 1
word = punctuation[syl - 1][number(len(punctuation[syl-1]) - 1)]
return word


def getlocation():
syl = number(len(location) - 1) + 1
word = location[syl - 1][number(len(location[syl-1]) - 1)]
return word


def GetSentence():
totalsyllables = 12
sentence = number(8)
if sentence == 0:
return "%s %s, %s %s called %s %s %s %s%s" % (getthingy(), getadjective(), getadjective(), getnoun(), getpronoun(), getverb(), getjoin(), getnoun(), getpunctuation())
elif sentence == 1:
return "%s the %s %s %s the %s %s%s" % (getpronoun(), getadjective(), getnoun(), getverb(), getadjective(), getnoun(), getpunctuation())
elif sentence == 2:
return "After they %s a %s, %s %s on %s's %s%s" % (getverb(), getnoun(), getpronoun(), getverb(), getpronoun(), getnoun(), getpunctuation())
elif sentence == 3:
return "%s is a %s%s" % (getpronoun(), getnoun(), getpunctuation())
elif sentence == 4:
return "If %s %s a %s %s %s, then I feel that %s should be turned into a %s%s" % (getpronoun(), getverb(), getnoun(), getjoin(), getnoun(), getpronoun(), getnoun(), getpunctuation())
elif sentence == 5:
return "Some %ss believe that %s is a %s. I disagree; they are a %s %s%s" % (getnoun(), getpronoun(), getnoun(), getadjective(), getnoun(), getpunctuation())
elif sentence == 6:
return "\'OBJECTION!!!\' cried %s." % getpronoun()
elif sentence == 7:
return "Hacksaw%s" % getpunctuation()
elif sentence == 8:
return "%s lives in %s and likes to go to %s to visit his friend %s with a %s %s%s" % (getpronoun(), getlocation(), getlocation(), getpronoun(), getadjective(), getnoun(), getpunctuation())

def GetParagraph():
paragraph = number(6)+1
if paragraph == 1:
return "%s %s" % (GetSentence(), GetSentence())
if paragraph == 2:
return "%s %s %s" % (GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence())
if paragraph == 3:
return "%s %s %s %s" % (GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence())
if paragraph == 4:
return "%s %s %s %s %s" % (GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence())
if paragraph == 5:
return "%s %s %s %s %s %s" % (GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence())
if paragraph == 6:
return "%s %s %s %s %s %s %s" % (GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence())
if paragraph == 7:
return "%s %s %s %s %s %s %s %s" % (GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence())


print "----- TEH AWESOME SPEAKING CONSOLE OF MAGICNESS by James 'n' Doovis -----"

userinput = 0
while userinput != "quit" and userinput != "q":
paragraph = "%s%s" % (GetParagraph(), "\n\n")
print paragraph
userinput = raw_input("\n--> Press enter to generate a new tale of enchantment, 's' to save the current one, or \'q\' to quit\n")
if userinput == "nigger":
print "YOU FUCKING RACIST!!!"
print "No more stories for you!"
outfile = open("Saved stories.txt", "w")
outfile.write("YOU ARE A SHITHEAD")
outfile.close()
input()
quit()
if userinput == "s":
try:
infile = open("Saved stories.txt", "r")
contents = "".join(infile.readlines())
infile.close()
except:
contents = "SAVED STORIES\n\nThese be saved stories.\n\n"
outfile = open("Saved stories.txt", "w")
outfile.write("%s\n%s" % (contents, paragraph))
outfile.close()
  1. thingy = [
  2.     ["A", "The", "Some"]]
  3.  
  4. noun = [
  5.          ["cat", "dog", "cow", "lard", "cake", "cheese", "pr0n", "ch00n", "shizz", "meme", "poof", "house"],
  6.          ["plant pot", "mollusc", "keyboard", "ninja", "Blender", "bizzel", "shizzle", "smiley", "random", "Grai Skull", "monster", "hacksaw"],
  7.          ["computer", "pianey", "microphone", "cheesy pea", "GUITAR-CAR", "fiddlestick", "<<David's secret easter-egg noun>>", "Advanced DAL", "formahla", "paedophile"],
  8.          ["cheesy piss cake", "computer mouse", "emoticon", "nizzle-shizzler"],
  9.          ["Pachelbel's canon"]]
  10.  
  11. pronoun = [
  12.     ["Dave", "James", "Pash", "BILL", "Ton", "B@rt", "Brecht", "p00f", "Joe"],
  13.     ["Ari", "LS", "Malcolm", "Matu","T-Man", "HD", "Noah", "Jman", "Sacha", "Phoenix", "David", "Doovis", "J-mesh", "Moodle", "Gwaddy", "Jeztac"],
  14.     ["Johnyman", "Bill 'n' Ben", "Delta Speeds"],
  15.     ["anonymous", "Super Wu-Man", "Cyborg Dragon", "Team Fortress 2"],
  16.     ["florianfelix", "HD Render Man"],
  17.     ["animatinator", "internet post guy Joe", "that weird d00d no-one knows", "Ari the Ferarri"]]
  18.  
  19. adjective = [
  20.     ["wet", "hot", "gay", "fat", "shite"],
  21.     ["slammin'", "funky", "cheesy", "AWESUMMM", "schmexxy", "rockin'", "ninja", "cruddy", "propa'", "blobby", "slimy", "smiley", "random", "ugly", "diverse"],
  22.     ["excellent", "molluscy"]
  23.     ]
  24.  
  25. verb = [
  26.     ["walked", "hopped", "danced", "pissed", "LOL'd", "laughed", "saved"],
  27.     ["hated", "wandered", "ranted"],
  28.     ["pissified", "Super-Soaked"],
  29.     ["ROFLMAO'd", "terminated"]]
  30.  
  31. join = [
  32.     ["a"],
  33.     ["to the", "at the", "with the"],
  34.     ["around the", "before the", "towards the"],
  35.     ["inside of the"],
  36.     ["with the aid of a"],
  37.     ["with the power of a", "using the skills of a", "whilst hiding under a", "whilst doing things with a"],
  38.     ["whilst being possessed by a"]
  39.     ]
  40.  
  41. punctuation = [
  42.     ["!", "!!", "!!!", "!!!!", "!!!!!", ".", "...", "LOL", "!1!1!!!!11!3!", "?", "?!?", "!?!", " :-D", " :-P", " ;-)", " (and that's what she said).", " :-]"]
  43.     ]
  44.  
  45. location = [
  46.     ["home", "dump"],
  47.     ["Trampland", "Glasgow", "Scotland", "England", "Pisstown", "Pisa", "Knobsville"],
  48.     [""]]
  49.  
  50.  
  51. import random
  52.  
  53.  
  54. def number(maximum):
  55.     return random.randint(0, maximum)
  56.  
  57. def getthingy():
  58.         syl = number(len(thingy) - 1) + 1
  59.         word = thingy[syl - 1][number(len(thingy[syl-1]) - 1)]
  60.         return word
  61.  
  62. def getnoun():
  63.         syl = number(len(noun) - 1) + 1
  64.         word = noun[syl - 1][number(len(noun[syl-1]) - 1)]
  65.         return word
  66.  
  67. def getpronoun():
  68.         syl = number(len(pronoun) - 1) + 1
  69.         word = pronoun[syl - 1][number(len(pronoun[syl-1]) - 1)]
  70.         return word
  71.  
  72. def getadjective():
  73.         syl = number(len(adjective) - 1) + 1
  74.         word = adjective[syl - 1][number(len(adjective[syl-1]) - 1)]
  75.         return word
  76.  
  77. def getverb():
  78.         syl = number(len(verb) - 1) + 1
  79.         word = verb[syl - 1][number(len(verb[syl-1]) - 1)]
  80.         return word
  81.  
  82. def getjoin():
  83.         syl = number(len(join) - 1) + 1
  84.         word = join[syl - 1][number(len(join[syl-1]) - 1)]
  85.         return word
  86.  
  87. def getpunctuation():
  88.     syl = number(len(punctuation) - 1) + 1
  89.     word = punctuation[syl - 1][number(len(punctuation[syl-1]) - 1)]
  90.     return word
  91.  
  92.  
  93. def getlocation():
  94.     syl = number(len(location) - 1) + 1
  95.     word = location[syl - 1][number(len(location[syl-1]) - 1)]
  96.     return word
  97.  
  98.  
  99. def GetSentence():
  100.     totalsyllables = 12
  101.     sentence = number(8)
  102.     if sentence == 0:
  103.         return "%s %s, %s %s called %s %s %s %s%s" % (getthingy(), getadjective(), getadjective(), getnoun(), getpronoun(), getverb(), getjoin(), getnoun(), getpunctuation())
  104.     elif sentence == 1:
  105.         return "%s the %s %s %s the %s %s%s" % (getpronoun(), getadjective(), getnoun(), getverb(), getadjective(), getnoun(), getpunctuation())
  106.     elif sentence == 2:
  107.         return "After they %s a %s, %s %s on %s's %s%s" % (getverb(), getnoun(), getpronoun(), getverb(), getpronoun(), getnoun(), getpunctuation())
  108.     elif sentence == 3:
  109.         return "%s is a %s%s" % (getpronoun(), getnoun(), getpunctuation())
  110.     elif sentence == 4:
  111.         return "If %s %s a %s %s %s, then I feel that %s should be turned into a %s%s" % (getpronoun(), getverb(), getnoun(), getjoin(), getnoun(), getpronoun(), getnoun(), getpunctuation())
  112.     elif sentence == 5:
  113.         return "Some %ss believe that %s is a %s. I disagree; they are a %s %s%s" % (getnoun(), getpronoun(), getnoun(), getadjective(), getnoun(), getpunctuation())
  114.     elif sentence == 6:
  115.         return "\'OBJECTION!!!\' cried %s." % getpronoun()
  116.     elif sentence == 7:
  117.         return "Hacksaw%s" % getpunctuation()
  118.     elif sentence == 8:
  119.         return "%s lives in %s and likes to go to %s to visit his friend %s with a %s %s%s" % (getpronoun(), getlocation(), getlocation(), getpronoun(), getadjective(), getnoun(), getpunctuation())
  120.  
  121. def GetParagraph():
  122.     paragraph = number(6)+1
  123.     if paragraph == 1:
  124.         return "%s %s" % (GetSentence(), GetSentence())
  125.     if paragraph == 2:
  126.         return "%s %s %s" % (GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence())
  127.     if paragraph == 3:
  128.         return "%s %s %s %s" % (GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence())
  129.     if paragraph == 4:
  130.         return "%s %s %s %s %s" % (GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence())
  131.     if paragraph == 5:
  132.         return "%s %s %s %s %s %s" % (GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence())
  133.     if paragraph == 6:
  134.         return "%s %s %s %s %s %s %s" % (GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence())
  135.     if paragraph == 7:
  136.         return "%s %s %s %s %s %s %s %s" % (GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence(), GetSentence())
  137.  
  138.  
  139. print "----- TEH AWESOME SPEAKING CONSOLE OF MAGICNESS by James 'n' Doovis -----"
  140.  
  141. userinput = 0
  142. while userinput != "quit" and userinput != "q":
  143.     paragraph = "%s%s" % (GetParagraph(), "\n\n")
  144.     print paragraph
  145.     userinput = raw_input("\n--> Press enter to generate a new tale of enchantment, 's' to save the current one, or \'q\' to quit\n")
  146.     if userinput == "nigger":
  147.         print "YOU FUCKING RACIST!!!"
  148.         print "No more stories for you!"
  149.         outfile = open("Saved stories.txt", "w")
  150.         outfile.write("YOU ARE A SHITHEAD")
  151.         outfile.close()
  152.         input()
  153.         quit()
  154.     if userinput == "s":
  155.         try:
  156.             infile = open("Saved stories.txt", "r")
  157.             contents = "".join(infile.readlines())
  158.             infile.close()
  159.         except:
  160.             contents = "SAVED STORIES\n\nThese be saved stories.\n\n"
  161.         outfile = open("Saved stories.txt", "w")
  162.         outfile.write("%s\n%s" % (contents, paragraph))
  163.         outfile.close()
  164.  
go to heaven